Disloyal Order of Orange Buffalo

Published February 21, 2014 by Tritrigirl

Had to find a way to tie it with one of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs, sorry.  I’ve been reading through some blogs about the Orange Buffalo from Rarasaur’s “My Orange Report.”  And since I didn’t want to be left out I thought I would participate.

That being said, some of these questions were a little hard for me, but here I go (again on my owwwwnnn, going down the only road I’ve ever knooooown – oops).

1.  In the book, Orange Buffalo by Grayson Queen, the orange buffalo is a legend.  Tracking a regular brown buffalo is a feat of skill.  A rare white buffalo thus represents the nearly impossible hunt for something, whereas an orange buffalo represents the search for something that simply doesn’t exist.  Have you ever searched for an orange buffalo– a truly false or impossible dream?

This one was hard for me because I’ve realized lately that there are a lot of “dreams” I had that I’ve just given up on and have kind of accepted were never going to happen for me.  Being a mom, getting married, white picket fence (not really), big family gatherings.  (Notice how I don’t mention career?)  I know there’s still time for me to have some of these things although I’ve learned that I don’t necessarily need them.  If it happens, it happens so if I see the Orange Buffalo I promise to let you know.

2.  What’s the greatest lesson you’ve learned from a break-up?

Don’t isolate yourself ever again.  After my last break up I pretty much hid out.  I gained almost a 100 lbs that I’ve been fighting to get off for the past 8 years (the break up was roughly 10 or 11 years ago…I don’t even remember anymore) and I didn’t do anything.  I didn’t try to date, I didn’t try to be happy.  I blamed myself for his cheating ass and took it out on myself.   It’s one thing to take some time for yourself and be sad and angry but you can’t let yourself fall into that abyss.

3. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?  Did you get there?  If not, what happened?

I wanted to be a mom and a writer.  My attempts at stories and blogs are as close as I’ve ever gotten to being a writer and a mom…well…probably not in the cards for me.

(I also wanted to be a fighter pilot, but growing up in a military household I discovered that I REALLY wasn’t fond of being yelled at on a regular basis so that was out)

4. Is there something in your past you’d like to do over?  How do you think it would change your life if you had the opportunity to do so?

Going back to #2 I wish I wouldn’t have isolated myself so much all those years.  I won’t even throw in the “I wish I wouldn’t have gained so much weight” stuff.  I’m not sure how much it would have changed but I’d like to think that if I would have made an effort to get out more during those years that perhaps I would have made more friends and wouldn’t have felt so alone for years.  If that would have had a ripple effect into now…who knows, but I would have been happier regardless.

5. In the novel there’s a repeating series of lines, referring to society’s predictions for the main character– the good and bad.

What a nice boy, a good boy, so much potential. He’s going to grow up to be president, a novelist, a hypocrite, a sellout.”

“What a nice girl, a good girl, so much expectation.  She’s going to grow up to have it all, a go-getter, a basket case, a failure.”

I don’t think there is such a thing as “having it all.”  I think that expectation on women (and some men) is ludicrous.  I talk to my friends who are married, have kids and a career they’re trying to excel at and you know what I’ve found?  When they’re completely honest, something is suffering and I’m amazed that when they’re being pulled in so many directions how they can stay sane (and in some cases sober).  Bless you if you’re able to balance all that.  I did read a blog once saying that if you’re a wife and mother there’s no WAY you can be anything exceptional as a single person would be because they’re not as tied down.  I think that idea is ludicrous as well…because being a parent or a spouse can make you exceptional.

We all have our own paths and our own limitations and I think it makes us stronger as individuals when we’re able to recognize them and find a work around or a compromise.  Instead of railing against the proverbial wall (which sometimes we have to do) and then chastising ourselves for not being able to break through and be everything at once.  I’m almost a failure in my dad and stepmom’s eyes because I’m not married and have kids.  Awesome career, own home and life be damned, I don’t fit into “that mold.”  They love me and are pretty supportive but I can tell they’re disappointed.

But you know what?  Today is Friday, the end of my work week, the sun’s out and spring is finally here.  I’ve got a lot to do this weekend and I’m hoping to get some “me” time to do some creative projects I’ve been neglecting.  I hope where ever all of you are, that you have a lovely weekend!

(That was kinda lame so since I started with FOB, we’ll end with FOB)

We are wild, we are like young volcanoes, we are wild, Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby, yeah!”

Feel beautiful!  YEAH!

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14 comments on “Disloyal Order of Orange Buffalo

  • I realize after I published mine I should have incorporated a music title, like “Paint it Orange” or “It Was All Orange”. But anyway…

    I like your answers, especially #2. That happened after my marriage started to crumble and then completely fall apart. The last sentence there is what I have had to remember recently even though the loss was nowhere near on that same level.

    Glad you participated!

  • Loss is loss no matter how you slice it, but we have to make the effort to get out while we’re healing. Go for a walk, catch a movie, have lunch with a friend, but try to not let yourself drown in the hurt. I started focusing on projects around my house last year when I had a heart break and not to say that it helped a ton but I felt better in the end and ended up converting my spare bedroom from a bedroom into a library / art studio. Which is something I’ve always wanted.

  • I’m a firm believer in small bouts of isolation, and no more. Even though we don’t think of ourselves as animals most of the time, humans are basically pack animals– tribal animals. I’m not saying everyone needs to be a yabberbox like me, but everybody needs someone to lean on. (And now that song is in my head. Lean on me!) I really do believe just being part of a community– even if it’s the silent part– is rewarding and self-nurturing.

    In other words– I loved your thoughts on this, and the positivity sprinkled throughout. I’m also very glad you’re part of this bloggy community. 🙂

  • I like how you were all thinking music and I was thinking chocolate.

    You *are* writing. Blogging *is* writing, perhaps not the type of writing you hope, but don’t devalue it, especially when you read what I just read. 🙂

  • When you lose everything, whether it’s your mind ore your money, its hard to come back from that and see things in the same way All those things you wanted or thought you wanted, no longer look the same. I think everyone could do with a reassessment of their life, especially after a major life change. When some thing big happens, we become different people afterwards.

  • Your line here ““What a nice girl, a good girl, so much expectation. She’s going to grow up to have it all, a go-getter, a basket case, a failure.”” spoke to me. I feel like that’s me in a nutshell. Very good post, dear.

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