“I don’t just want to be a foot note in someone else’s happiness”

Published February 26, 2014 by Tritrigirl

“The last time you came through, oh darling, I know what you’re going through…it’s a sign, it’s a sigh, what if you peaked early…” – Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet – Fall Out Boy

It’s Wednesday and we’ve got a busy evening ahead of us.  Tater Tot has swim practice 4-5:30, French Fry has a Pre-UIL band rehearsal concert 5:15-?.  We’re meeting Mike and his kiddo, Sweet Potato, (seriously we made these nicknames up last time we were out with them) for dinner at 6:00 then I’ll have to run over to the high school to grab French Fry and bring him to dinner.  Sigh.  I don’t look forward to the driving back and forth, but it is what it is.  I’m not going to that damn rehearsal concert.  I’ve been to a ton of them (some that his own mother hasn’t been to) so I feel like I’ve paid my dues there.  If it was a legitimate concert I’d be there for him, but honestly, I don’t think he cares as long as he gets to come out to dinner with us afterwards and not have to eat leftovers.  If his mom goes, bully for her.  If she has issues that we’re not there, she can take it up with his dad.  My give a shitter is broken where she’s concerned and I’m happy to tell her that if she has an issue she can take her kids when their dad is out of town because it’s not my effing job.

Don’t get me wrong, I love those boys, but it’s hard.  The whole thing is hard and I’m not so sure I’m feeling up to it anymore.  But that’s something else entirely.

Dinner with Mike…okay, I’m a dork and have been staring at the clock willing it to be 4:00 pm meaning that everything will go by faster to get to 6:00 pm.  Yeah, dork over here.

I went to the gym this morning.  Was really trying to make the Body Pump class and CX Work (Core work) class but I wasn’t there early enough to sneak in and get set up and that class full of people with their barbells and steps and stuff is really intimidating.  So I did the machine from hell for 45 minutes and got through a couple Supernatural episodes.  I’m sure anyone who pays any attention to me at the gym might think I’m a little loopy.  I have no issues with giggling out loud or smiling randomly while I’m watching the show, sometimes it’s pretty funny.  (“Are you humming Metallica?”  “Yeah, it calms me down.”  Bwah ha ha ha ha ha)

So now I’m all showered and glammed up in an understated sort of way (seriously, sometimes I think I put way too much thought into this).  But honestly, when I get time to fix my hair and do my make up I usually feel like a million bucks.  It’s funny what a little eyeliner and mascara does for my confidence.  Given that I spend most days in work out clothes, with my hair in a ponytail, no make up and glasses and feeling frumpy, it’s no wonder I feel better all “done up.”

Scott comes home tomorrow and I fee a little bad that the only reason that I’m looking forward to it is that he resumes kiddo duty.  I seriously feel like I need some alone time but the funny thing is that when I DO get alone time, I sit on the couch and watch television or play video games instead of being productive (i.e. cleaning, laundry, etc).  Too much taking care of other people and not enough taking care of me.  That feels so selfish to say.  Argh.

I’m not a cry baby, I’m THE cry baby, a caterpillar that got stuck…a long walk to a dark house…oh my friends all lie and say they only want the best wishes for me…Oh baby, you’re a classic.  Like a little black dress, you’re a faded moon, stuck on a little hot mess…”  – Tiffany Blews – FOB

Have a great Wednesday all!



7 comments on ““I don’t just want to be a foot note in someone else’s happiness”

  • What’s wrong with alone time, you and the television or a video game? Alone time really is you shutting your brain OFF and relinquishing all responsibilities. That sounds like a LOVELY mini-vacation, to bad you can’t get someone to give you a manicure/pedicure and a massage during that time as well. Or at least play in your hair/scalp massage:-) We gotta stop feeling guilty, we are SUPER WOMEN!! We deserve VIDEO GAME time, TV TIME and any other time, we dream up. Guilt not include, carry on sister:-)

    • Thanks! I just get so wrapped up in having to be productive all the time…but I’m planning some half days off work here soon to finish some games, clear out the DVR and hopefully get some cleaning done. 😉

      • Call me lazy but I have a house keeper come in once a week. Its not as expensive as you may think. That way, I’m not stressing over cleaning and can have more ME time. It makes me a happier girl in the long run. I can keep up with the work stuff, hobbies, family without feeling too overwhelmed.

      • I’ve thought about that, but I have a serious clutter issue in my house. So, I always end up thinking perhaps I should de-clutter some more before I bring someone in to clean, then roll my eyes at myself and get out the vacuum…

      • They have pro de-clutter people as well. I have a friend that’s what her business does is organize people’s homes. They could have that stuff handled in a snap. I’m just the opposite, I’m more than likely to throw stuff OUT…lol I drive everyone crazy, if you haven’t worn it in 6 months its going to salvation army.

      • Well you are making progress, it might be easier if you are donating to people that need your things opposed to just throwing them out. That way you know that they are going to good use:-)

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