Happy Wednesday! Trying to muster some more excitement but still waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Stupid insomnia.
So! We’re up to question 21.
#21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Wow, so we’re starting to get deep here. I’d like to say they play a huge part but I don’t think that’s the case. I love my cat, my dogs, and my family. I love Scott, but I’m not sure what that love means right now. I love his kids, but lately it’s been very trying. I’m affectionate with all or at least I try to be. By nature I’m an affectionate person. I grew up in a family that hugged, like full body bear hugs, not the awkward arms length hugs. Hugs for no reason, random kisses on the cheeks, snuggling with parents when we were little. But as an adult I’m not in relationships that foster that kind of affection, except for occasions with Scott and his kids (not counting the dogs / cat they always get affection). Love for me is easy to give, but sometimes I wonder if the love I’m giving to the humans in my life is superficial love. There is no all encompassing love. I don’t know that I really feel that for anyone any more. I know I used to for Scott, but when it doesn’t feel like it’s being reciprocated it’s hard to keep up. I think it’s partly a defense mechanism too. If I don’t fully love, then I can’t get hurt. I was devastated once because of a relationship and I don’t want to go there again. So I withhold it and given what’s safe for me to give. I’m sure this makes me sound like an asshole, but it is what it is (as much as I hate that phrase). Would I be open to all encompassing love again? If it came my way, possibly and as long as it was reciprocated. I think it might be too late for Scott and me though. It’s hard to say.
Sidenote: Today is watering day. Even with our spring flooding we’re still under STAGE 2 water restrictions, meaning I can only water once a week. So Wednesdays I have to get up a little earlier than normal and set up all my sprinklers / bubbler lines. I don’t water my yard. Honestly I’m not upset when it dies back in the summer…low maintenance. 😉 But I don’t want to lose my flowers. So the gardens get the water. I have one plant (Salvia) that’s supposed to grow up but it was growing out, so my mom recommended putting it in a tomato cage until it was “trained.” The Salvia is PISSED at me. I hope it makes it.