I’d previously decided that I would refrain from posting about my love life or what have you for various reasons I no longer care to number.
Basically the gist is Scott’s oldest started making some really really bad decisions last fall that culminated in stealing Scott’s Harley and wrecking it before school and ending the school year suspended for 2 knives and an e-cigarette. He claimed to not know about the knives but was caught while showing them off. He claimed to have NO idea what the e-cigarette was but his FB messages indicate he paid someone $40 to get it for him. Things were not good. Someone was in big trouble. Someone got snotty and tried to walk away and Scott grabbed him to keep him from leaving the room. He let go immediately, but I got between them anyway because I was concerned and wasn’t going to let anything escalate further. It terrified French Fry, Scott was furious. I did what I knew to do. Remove people from one another’s presence. I sent Scott away, took French Fry upstairs had him get changed (he’d run home in the rain) and after attempting to talk to him sent him to bed for the rest of the afternoon. The Tater boys go to their mom’s for Christmas.
2 days before Christmas while I’m in Idaho and Scott’s out hunting we get calls that he’s being investigated by CPS for choking French Fry. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN. Tater Tot comes home after Christmas but French Fry does not per CPS. Scott’s Ex (We’ll call her Oz since she likes to use her second married name when it suits her) petitioned for custody of both boys and a host of other crap. She gives him an iPhone, she gives him freedom, so he steals cars, he steals money, he starts to fail classes, gets in a fight, life goes on. They go to mediation after Spring Break. She doesn’t get custody, he tells her that Tater Tot is not negotiable, she goes for that but now we’re going to therapy (not a biggie), French Fry starts to come back every other weekend. She puts French Fry on medication without consulting Scott. Per the divorce decree she’s not supposed to do this. French Fry goes on to get suspended 2 more times, fails classes, ends up becoming so combative and aggressive with her, her parents and Tater Tot that Oz calls us to come pick French Fry because he’s gone apeshit and she’s scared of him.
Things continued to go downhill, ending up with French Fry spending the night at the Juvenile Hall and then eventually being admitted for 1 week of inpatient care. During this time Oz becomes amenable to working together for French Fry as it should have been all along, she’s open with what’s going on, etc. Then he gets discharged…and things change back to where they were before. She’s claimed Scott’s abusive and was abusive to her and French Fry, she’s blamed him repeatedly for French Fry’s emotional and mental state (despite earlier admitting to having NO idea why he blames his Dad). The kid’s medicated, but those of us who’ve been down this road know that it’s not over. Far from it. In the end the court psychologist cancelled mediation stating at this time she does not have enough information to determine whether French Fry should officially stay with his mom or come back to his dad. I think permanent changes to his living situation right now would not be helpful. We need to get him stable. We need to band together. Work together. He needs to know and see that differences are being set aside to take care of HIM.
The past few days have tested my patience. I’ve witnessed what it appeared to be Oz doing French Fry’s homework at Tater Tot’s swim meet. Work has been such a beast for the past week that I end each day by throwing something in my office and am in tears every other day. Oz took French Fry to see Pitch Perfect 2 when he didn’t care about going and Tater Tot has been counting the days until it would come out. (Scott took him to see it) French Fry told on his brother to his mother during their nightly check in instead of telling his Dad that there was an altercation…which went like this:
FF: “Shut up or I’ll shove you.”
TT: “Do it.”
FF shoved him and TT retaliated by whipping him with a phone charger. Does Oz give a shit that TT was shoved? Nope. All she cares about is that it appears FF was injured for no reason. She doesn’t think about how any of this is affecting TT or that her adversarial actions towards Scott are hurting both kids. She subscribes to the idea that things “just happen” to FF. He chooses to steal and wreck a Harley….oh, that’s not his fault and doesn’t need to be held accountable. He’s threatened to hurt his brother multiple times when TT has been over there and when Scott’s followed up she’s stated that she doesn’t know anything about it. Sure FF’s remorseful, after he gets in trouble, but he doesn’t think about what he’s doing before he does it.
The kid’s got issues, we know, we’re trying to help, but finger pointing and blaming isn’t helping. Yes, circumstances may have led him to make certain decisions, but he always had that moment where he could have stopped and said, “You know this is a huge mistake, I probably shouldn’t do this.” But he doesn’t and he’ll never learn if we don’t hold him accountable. All in all could things have been handled differently? Possibly. Are they now? Absolutely. Lesson learned.
Today I found Oz’s blog about what an amazing Mommy she is and how she’s sacrificed so much for her kids. It makes me want to punch in her in the throat. She’s toxic. She’s using her son as a pawn to screw up her ex-husband’s life under the guise of caring. If she cared so much why is she solely focusing on one kid and leaving the other one out? If she thinks he’s so abusive why doesn’t she have Tater Tot? If my kids told me my ex was abusive there’s no way in HELL that I’d let my kids near him. I know it’s not that simple but you can be damn sure I’d put everything into making sure they wouldn’t be with him. I’m sure she thinks she’s doing the right thing, I’m sure she’s convinced herself of it and I’m aware that I’m a little too close to the situation to be properly objective and I know the “system” is broken. According to her blog she’s the poster single mother even with her faults.
I’ve never particularly liked her and I’m sure she doesn’t particularly like me. (and I don’t give a shit if she does or not) But I was so impressed by her willingness to work together to get FF the helps he needs and to re-establish a relationship between father and son. But in her blog she claims FF hates his dad….which is interesting given that they have had some wonderful times together since he’s been coming back. Sure it’s not perfect. No home life ever is. But reading her blog…it took everything I had not to email her directly or comment on it.
But…In the end…it’s not worth it.