Starting the 3rd week of Pain

Seriously…this is the start of the 3rd week of 6 days a week workouts.  Dude, this shit is hard.  It’s not the hardest that I’ve ever put myself through, I recall forcing myself through 2 a day workouts 2-3 times a week for a few months getting ready for Tri season, but honestly I started the year out a little slow on the work out front and managed to get through my half marathons on stubbornness and power of will.

My team is in Tri training.  My coach had kinda left us runners out in the cold, er, humidity.  They’re running on Sundays, but I think I’ve whined about that enough for now.  I paid a friend, who’s  a certified coach, to put together a training plan for me to be half marathon ready in September.  But I’ve essentially had to start over.  I run Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.  Wednesday she throws in exercises with the sprint workouts that I don’t do.  Why?  Because I lift Tuesdays and Thursdays and do Pilates on Wednesdays. Sure more squats and crunches wouldn’t hurt, but….no thank you.

Needless to say I’ve been fucking tired.  Like BONE tired.  I need more sleep.  I even tried to go to bed early last night but didn’t fall asleep until midnight.  Waking up early this morning was hard to do.  I downloaded The Rock Clock.  Pretty entertaining.  If you need some serious motivation in the mornings check it out.  Not only does the Rock sing to you, but there’s a motivational message for the day.  Kinda like, get your ass up, your competition isn’t hitting snooze, you shouldn’t hit snooze, carpe fucking diem.

In other news I found this and my mom is going to make me a throw pillow because…well…because:

Need Need Need – Etsy Store CarsonZickersham

Chick Flicks…

Last night I watched Twilight: New Moon, 27 Dresses and Knocked Up.  DON’T JUDGE ME, it was late at night and I couldn’t sleep.  Really I watched all of them at the same time, flipping channel when I got bored.  Sunday night was better…watched Gamer, Babylon A.D. and Max Payne.  More or less back to back.  I was exhausted and didn’t feel like doing anything and didn’t really have anything I needed to do, except laundry.

But anyway, about last night….sometimes I get so frustrated with “chick flicks” they rarely reflect real life and have this phenomenal ability to make me feel like shit.  Although How to be Single was pretty good.  She didn’t end up with any guy at the end, but instead met her goal of hiking a mountain somewhere.  Much better I think, and yet, as much as I hate the feelings of self-loathing and disappointment at the end of a chick flick I am inevitably attracted to them.

There’s something about the story line that never really changes that still draws me in.  Girl meets guy, he usually annoys her or she’s in love with someone else or he’s in love with someone else first, then shit happens and more shit happens and they realize that they’re really in love and live happily ever after.  I mean, what little girl at heart doesn’t drool over this idea?  Well, some don’t, but there’s the idea ingrained into most of our brains that this is exactly what we’re supposed to want.  Not unlike Mila Kunis says in Friends with Benefits, “SHUT UP KATHERINE HEIGL, YOU LITTLE LIAR!”  Although there’s ANOTHER movie with the same damn story line.

Here’s what gets me….did I miss my window?  When I see movies like Knocked Up and think about the fact that really, women are meant to have babies in their 20’s when they’ve got the energy of an energizer bunny, but don’t always have their shit together. Now women are having babies in their 30s and 40s when we have our shit together more or less, we’re stable, craziness of our 20s out of our systems.  When we have careers and sometimes have partners, who also typically have their shit together and are stable.

But here I am, 36 1/2 no babies (human ones anyway), not married, but in a long term open-ish relationship for over 10 years, with no plans for change in the foreseeable future.  We’ve discussed moving in together, but I really don’t think that will happen any time soon.  He doesn’t want to have any more children (his are 13 and 16), I don’t know if I honestly want to have them or if I just tell myself that because it’s not going to happen with him.  Sometimes I feel like I’m married and it’s not anything like I would have thought it would be.  I know marriage isn’t all fairy tales and it isn’t easy all the time, but still.

I spent most of my 20s afraid and depressed, blaming myself for my ex’s infidelity and believing that it was my fault.  Then I met Scott and he awesome, but didn’t want anything serious and this came with a whole host of drama and territory I was unfamiliar with.  In the end things settled down and we’re where we’re at now.  In a rut.  We don’t have sex.  We rarely touch, I can spend the night over there and I might as well have stayed at my own house.  Being lonely when you’re with someone is the worst form of loneliness.  I’d rather be alone.  I could leave and I have considered it, but then I’d really be alone.  I don’t have a lot of friends and I feel like I have virtually no support system without him.  That wasn’t by anyone’s design, it just happened.

I used to travel 80% of the time for work and when I was home I worked from home (still do) so no office, no social life, no friends.  And it’s harder to make friends as an adult when you don’t go to school or to an office.  Sure I go to the gym and I’ve sort of gotten to know some of the ladies in my classes, but no one I’d go out to dinner with or hang out with.  Most of them are married and have kids.  My best friend is a stay at home mom and we don’t see each other often.  My other best friend has a kid, a fiancee and is trying to open her own salon.  I joined a women’s triathlon / running team in hopes of making more friends and I have, but most of them are married and have kids.  When you’re more or less single and don’t have kids these people are hard to really relate to.

As for meeting other guys…ugh.  Online dating sucks.  It’s virtually impossible to meet guys organically any more.  I have very few single friends and most of us have too much shit going on that we don’t go out or if we do it’s to someone’s house and not OUT, out.  I’ve grown out of the “let’s go to the bar and meet guys” mentality, although there are nights when I wish I had the ovaries to do that again.

You know what I miss?  That newness of a relationship, when you’re giddy with butterflies, can’t wait to hear from or see that person, the excitement, can’t keep your hands to yourself-ness, the passion, all that good shit.  I wonder if I’ll ever have it again or if it’s all over for me.  I’m not ready to leave Scott.  There’s too much of our lives intertwined.  Not unlike a marriage.

But I dream of it.  Holy shit do I literally dream of it.  Some mornings I wake up sad that it wasn’t real.  So I guess that’s why I’m drawn to a good cheesy chick flick.  Let me get my fix of what I’m missing, let me believe for a moment that it is possible…even though it’s almost always Katherine Heigl.  Sometimes it’s worth the self loathing and sadness I feel after.  Sometimes it makes me too introspective for my own good.  Like today.  I wish I could come up with something witty and funny, but I’m all out of witty and funny any it’s barely 12:30 pm.

Is there something you worry you’ve missed out on?  Are we too late?

Finished the First 4 Weeks

First 4 weeks of WW completed.  So far I have allegedly lost 11 pounds.  I saw allegedly because I have not idea where I lost it from.  Nothing fits differently.  Still wearing the same size clothes, but the scale says I’ve lost 11.  Until clothes start fitting looser I’m a bit skeptical.

I can say that I’m definitely getting stronger.  I’m noticing that in my classes for sure.  So perhaps that’s part of it.  Who knows.

Yesterday was the first triathlon of the season and I was there to volunteer.  I didn’t miss competing at all.  Nope.  It was windy, the lake was super choppy, they’ve been doing construction on one of the main roads the bike portion is on and the shoulder was covered in debris plus the road itself wasn’t in good shape.  Nope, didn’t miss it AT ALL.  Strangely enough, you can get sore from clapping your hands for long periods of time.  Like about 3 hours.  I stood for about 4 hours and clapped for about 3.  But I tried to be funny and cheer people up while I cheered them on.  I’d like to think I helped some when they were having a tough time.

I was officially promoted as of yesterday (the 1st).  Nothing changes in responsibilities, just leveled up if you will.  And more money.  Can’t argue with more money for the same responsibilities.

Started over from scratch with my running program. My team has gone onto Triathlon training and only running on Sundays.  I like my Saturday workouts and I don’t really want to go to Sunday work outs.  I’m trying to come up with a compromise.  I’m going to want to work out on Saturdays anyway.  I was considering going to some of the triathlon workout for variety and besides I end up missing the team,  but I’m not racing.  The girl I usually run on Saturdays with isn’t going to run anymore.  So I’m on my own.  I can have my run work outs switched to my long runs on Sundays to run with the group, but I just don’t know.

I’ll sort it all out after I come back from VA on the 15th.

Have a great Monday.

Friday Again

Last week I didn’t follow up on my progress and felt like I was slacking.  So I’ll sum up this week now.  It’s definitely getting easier.  I think that my stomach is shrinking so I’m not getting as hungry as often.  I’ve got a better handle on things so my blood sugar doesn’t get too low on accident.  I’ve only gone over points once this week.  My goal is to NOT go over points / calories at all but especially during the week.  Weighing out meat and measuring out portions seems to help and it’s nice sometimes to be able to completely load up my plate with extra veggies.  Even though they have no points value the calories are pretty low.

Been working out steadily this week.  Not as much as I’d hoped to but I’m getting there.  Missed spin class on Monday as Tater Tot’s swim practice was cancelled 30 minutes in due to thunderstorms.

What else is happening in my life…I got promoted.  Goes into effect May 1st.  That’s kinda nice and unexpected.  My brother and sister in law are finally reconciling with my dad and stepmom.  That’s a huge deal!  Now for my brother and sister in law to reconcile with my baby brother.  So happy for everyone!!  Tater tot has a swim meet this weekend, which means I’ll get a lot of reading done, but that’s about it.  I need to call a plumber again because my washing machine drain is overflowing again.  They were out 2 weeks ago so I’m thinking they may need to do more than just snake the entire line.  I think it’s finally dried out enough to where I can mow my yard this afternoon.  It’s looking all crazy, thank goodness I don’t live in an HOA!!

Lastly cannot believe Prince died yesterday!  Will be toasting his memory with some Purple Rain cocktails this weekend:

Ingredients:

1-1/2 parts vodka
1 part Blue Curacao
1 part cranberry juice
1 part pineapple juice
1 part grenadine

View recipe: Purple Rain | KeepRecipes: Your Universal Recipe Box http://keeprecipes.com/recipe/howtocook/purple-rain#ixzz46ZXGZL00

In the meantime, let’s go crazy and party like it’s 1999!

 

 

Week 3

Well, it’s Week 3 of WW.  I’m down about 6 lbs but I can’t tell.  Nothing is fitting looser yet, that’s really what I’m waiting for.  I was better about splurging over the weekend so I didn’t feel as crappy.

Going to restaurants is a pain in the ass.  Seriously.  You have to try to find SOMETHING in the tracker that is remotely close to what you’re eating to track it.  Most restaurants are in the tracker, which is nice, but others you have to guess.  A pain in the ass.  Small victories though, I was good about portions, stopping when I wasn’t hungry anymore things like that.

Scott’s in Amsterdam this week.  I’m watching Tater Tot.  I’m hoping that without him I’ll be better at sticking to the plan.  It’s hard when the person next to you is stuffing their face with food and you’re trying NOT to.

I’d like to come up with some philosophical thoughts or insights today but I’m just not feeling it.  I finished watching Season 2 of Catastrophe.  Brilliant show on Amazon Prime.  Started watching Making a Murderer.  It’s crazy.  That’s all for today.  Check ya later.

Mid Week Check In

Blogging about this stuff helps me feel a bit more accountable as well as allows me to vent a bit if I need it.

So far this week:

Monday – Spin, Tuesday – Body Pump and I’m already dressed and ready for Pilates tonight.

Meal wise – doing well.  Monday I dipped into my “fit points” and had to use some of my extra calories earned from Spin for dinner.  But it was worth it.  Chicken Tikka Masala and homemade garlic naan.  Still ended up under my allowances for the day.

Decided last weekend that I’m not going to include cooking oils or creamer to my tracker.  Here’s my thought:  I don’t use creamer often so it’s highly unlikely the size of my ass is due to creamer.  I could do with less butter, so I’m trying to use cooking spray instead but it’s hard for me to believe that the chemicals in 0 calorie spray butter or cooking spray is actually “healthier” than real butter or olive oil, despite the calories.  I don’t go crazy with the Olive oil so again, while these certainly add to the calorie count it’s something I use sparingly in the first place.  Plus the math is a nightmare…2 TBS of olive oil to cook chicken divided by 3 people eating?  Lastly, if you take into account the “after burn” created by daily work outs or a regular exercise routine I think those calories just cancel out.  Like when Diet Coke cancels out pizza.  😛  Just kidding.

Will have to come up with some better plans for Monday nights, possibly leaving Scott and Tater Tot on their own for dinner.  Tater Tot has swim until 7pm, then they go to the gym and lift for 30-45 minutes, then possibly go to the store.  This means I don’t even start cooking until 7:45 – 8pm.  When I finish with Spin at 7pm I’m already starving and can’t wait until 8 to eat.  I started to go into crazy low blood sugar symptoms Monday.  Shaking, couldn’t think or concentrate, got really hot and extremely pissy.  Ended up telling them to basically leave me alone until I eat.  Scott doesn’t keep WW friendly snacks around and it got so bad I ended up eating 2 TBS of peanut butter to take the edge off.  So if we’re all going to have dinner together I’m going to have to start coming home and having a snack after Spin or just go ahead and have dinner and they can fend for themselves.

Otherwise it is getting a little easier.  Although I have noticed that fruit doesn’t seem to last long in my system, like 45 minutes before my stomach growls again.

Just realized Monday that I have to help my friend’s maid of honor plan her bachelorette party in July.  Totally forgotten about that.  My WW plan ends the end of June, but I might keep it up through the end of the year.  I’d like to get to where I don’t have to think about anything and that it’s just a habit so we’ll see how long that take and if it does happen.  We’ll see.

Have a great Wednesday!

1 Week Follow Up

So last week I was treated to the privilege of overhearing a conversation at the gym about how this girl was SO happy that she didn’t have to work certain days so she could basically spend at least 2 hours doing exercise classes at the gym.  My thought was uh, must be nice and do you have much of a life?  I have a good relationship with my gym.  There are meatheads, but they don’t seem to be assholes.  The staff is nice, a little overwhelming at times, but that’s part of their job.  I like the classes they offer, so far I like most of the instructors as well.  But I don’t necessarily WANT to take 2 classes back to back, unless it’s pilates and yoga.  I mean if you really want to you can, but I have shit to do, games to play, shows to binge watch, pets to snuggle, etc.  I guess I shouldn’t be too judgey, the reality is that if I didn’t have to work 5 days a week I might spend more time at the gym.  Okay, just kidding, probably not.  Really I was just more jealous that she didn’t have to work everyday.

Moving on.  Finished my first week of WW.  Lost 3.6 lbs.  Was hoping for more, but I wasn’t super strict so it is what it is.  Spend the weekend splurging, felt like shit because of said splurging.  Still pissed at the points value of certain foods.  My post- workout recovery drink is 7 points, but only 160 calories.  Now I got 33 points back from my 5.6 mile run (so basically another day’s worth of points) but between that and my second breakfast I blew 18 points so by that time I’d used 30 points and it wasn’t even noon yet.  I tried to save the remaining points and my weekly splurge points for the rest of the weekend and ended up just not tracking anything anymore.  I’m operating under the assumption that my weekly points are all gone.  Which is fine.

We’ll see how this week ends up.  I’m assuming that if I continue to feel shitty on my splurge days that I’ll probably trim my splurge days back.  Not to feel shitty.  The other crappy thing is that there was a really good food truck by the Growler Bar called Sweet and Cheezy and I refused to eat there last night.  Now I wanted that greasy deliciousness but opted to go out for sushi instead.  Sweet and Cheezy would have been cheaper.  Ah well.  This weekend I think we’re going to have wings and pizza.  Because I want wings and pizza.

My goals for this week:

Daily workouts: Monday -Spin, Tuesday – Body Pump, Wednesday – Pilates, Thursday – Body Pump, Friday – Off, Saturday – Run, Sunday – Bike / Yoga.  Hoping they bring back Wednesday night yoga.  Fingers crossed.

Diet: Stick with daily points / calories

Also signed up for a half marathon in September.  Looking at one in October too.  Not planning on triathlons, and my team is going into Tri training.  Which leaves some of us runners out.  I’ll see how it plays out.  They’re offering running on Sunday because all the coaches are doing Tri training on Saturdays.  I don’t want to run on Sundays.  That’s my sleep in day.

See ya in a couple days!  Oh, Season 2 of Catastrophe is out on Amazon.  Check it out!

 

48 Hours…I Hate You WW

So it’s been 48 hours and I’ve already done gone fucked up my WW and Noom Weight Loss trackers.  Last night was a silent auction for our MS 150 Team (150 bike ride for MS fundraising and awareness) and it was held at a Mediterranean resturant that I adore.  There’s pita, and there’s shwarma and there’s kababs and all sorts of deliciousness.  And I ate it…all.  And had some wine.  So, uh, I didn’t log any of it on my trackers, because after 36 hours tracking this shit, I was hungry and out of fucks to give.  But I did go to Body Pump yesterday so there was SOME offset, right?  Right.

So this morning, instead of berating myself for fucking off and enjoying my evening I just started over with a clean slate.  I mean, shit happens.  It’s only the first week so, you know.

I’d like to share some comparisons of the two trackers:

Noom Weight Loss Calorie Allotmant per day based on how much weight I want to lose and how fast: 1650 (Could be less if I wanted to lose weight faster).

Weight Watchers Points allotment per day based on how much I weigh, my gender and magic: 34.  I also have 42 weekly extra points for splurging that are optional to use.

Noom Weight Loss gives more calories for work outs logged.  Body Pump gave me 410 extra calories and was estimated to burn 815 calories for 55 minutes of moderate intensity work out.  No weekly calorie burn goal, but it does give me daily steps goals.

Weight Watchers gives “Fit Points” for daily work outs that you can use as extra points that day for food.  55 minutes of Body Pump equals 22 Fit Points for hard intensity.  I have a weekly goal of 73 Fit Points.

Noom and Weight Watchers have different definitions of Moderate and Hard, hence the different intensity levels.  I am motivated to work out more when it means I can eat more, plus I end up having to eat more any way.  Which is good because after a 7 mile run, I will eat a lot and when Noom gives me about 800 extra calories I will use them.  Which is why splurging was meant to be on Saturdays.

Weight Watchers assigns 0 points for fruit and most vegetables, so it doesn’t count against your daily allottment.  Motivation to eat fruits and veggies.

Noom tracks all of it and so it all counts against your daily calorie count.  Noom also encourages you to eat a variety of foods with a green, yellow and red designation.  They recommend eating more green foods than red, of course.

Here’s how to game the WW system.  Eat salad and fruit all day long, then blow your 34 point on whatever the hell you want.  5 oz of red wine is 4 points.  A bottle is roughly 25.4 oz, you can drink an entire bottle for about 20 points.  OR eat a Burger King double cheeseburger for 12 points and a small fry for 11 points, total 23 points.  Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich is 15 points, small fry is 11 points, total 26.  Drink a Diet Coke or Coke Zero and it doesn’t add anything.  1 container of Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream is 14 points (that can’t possibly be right, but that’s what it says).  In theory, on a day I do Body Pump I can eat fruit and salad ALL DAY long and then have Burger King and a pint of ice cream and only have to use 3 of my Fit Points.  Or I can eat the ice cream and drink a bottle of wine and be right at my daily point allottment.  This doesn’t seem right.

Noom doesn’t give you much wiggle room beyond adding the work out calories to your daily allotment.  A bottle of wine is roughly 625 calories (and a yellow food).  Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich is 540 calories and a small fry would be roughly 291 calories, that’s 831 calories and a little over half my allotment (and all red foods).  I could eat fruit and salad all day but a bowl of ceasar salad is 184 calories, my favorite Target salad is 320 calories.  The ice cream (duh, red food)? There are roughly 4 servings in a pint, that’s 1440 calories!  So there would be no eating of fruit and salads all day and then drinking a bottle of wine and eating a pint of ice cream, even on a day of body pump.  But I think Wendy’s is feasible for a Body Pump day.  😉

That’s where I’m at for a little over 48 hours into this shit.  We’ll see if anything improves as the week(s) go by.

 

 

New Journeys

Howdy y’all!  It’s certainly been some time again.  And there’s been some pretty intense changes too.

Sum up: French Fry lives solely with him Mom and is currently at a therapeutic boarding school, Tater Tot lives solely with his Dad and is doing well, I had a wave of almost constant heart palpitations that sent me to the cardiologist but ended up being nothing to worry about in the end, I think I put my self into major fatigue last fall due to too many back to back races (think Triathlon Labor day, Half marathon the following weekend, 2 weeks later triathlon, next day 4 mile race, 2 weeks later half marathon, 2 weeks later 10 mile race), started Fallout 4, did not make a themed Thanksgiving dinner, had Christmas in Coeur d’Alene, saw Star Wars, saw Star Wars again, Grandma Doreen died in January, Mom was hospitalized in February and now has a chronic condition that is sending her to the Mayo Clinic in May, saw Deadpool, finished Fallout 4, Blueberry had a liver infection that has since resolved, restarted Fallout 4, went to Canada for Spring Break, read all 3 Shades of Grey books over 5 days, Fallout 4 DLC released, went to Boise for Easter, I’ve decided to take this season of triathlon off for the time being, started Weight Watchers and I think that’s the end to possibly the longest run on sentence I’ve ever written and I’m going to walk away from it before I compulsively decide to edit it.

So, to start taking the season off of triathlon.  That’s a painful thing for me to think about but, given how tired of it I am.  How much I DON’T want to train, hell I don’t really even want to run right now, I need to take the time off.  I’m going to focus on my overall fitness and work on my endurance.  I don’t need the pressure on myself because I think I may crack after all the races I put my body through over the course of 2 months last fall.  They were amazing, they were a lot of fun, but the heart palpitations scared the shit out of me.  In the end it was PVCs (pre-ventricular contractions) meaning the part of my heart was starting the beat before the rest of it was ready.  My cardiologist said that unless I had heart attack or stroke symptoms not to worry and recommended adding Calcium Magnesium supplements.  Not sure if they help or not, but I don’t have the palpitations as often now.

So Weight Watchers.  This is weird for me.  I’ve never really done it but a friend of mine and I decided to do a friendly competition to see who could lost the most weight in 3 months.  Basically we both need the motivation and my hope is that this will jump start me.  I’m the heaviest I’ve been in years and I’m tired of it.  For those that don’t know Weight Watchers takes your age, weight and gender throws it into a magic algorithm and decides how many “points” you get a day and some extra to be used during the week.  Food is rated by calories, fiber and sugar (I think) to get the point score.  Most vegetables and all fruit have 0 points.  I get 34 a day with 42 “splurge” points. I’ve got 10 left for today after breakfast and lunch.  We’ll see what I end up with at the end of the day.

Now I did start out the year trying to track calories thanks to one of many apps for the android and was actually doing okay.  Honestly it even motivated me to work out more because then I got extra calories for the day.  Weight Watchers does not do that.  Since I’m curious I’ve decided to track everything in both the Weight Watchers app and the Noom Weight Loss app to see a) which one is more realistic, b) which one is easier to follow, and c) whether or not WW is worth the money.  I’ve heard conflicting opinions.  Realistically I have a few goals with all of this:

1. Jump start weight loss (nothing motivates more than results)
2. Re-evaluate how I eat and make healthier changes
3. Get to a point where there’s little to no thought or guesswork, as in it’s second nature.

Here’s how:

1. Use of apps – working both Noom and WW
2. WW meetings (vomit, so far not a fan, but I get the idea)
3. Work out 4-5 days a week minimum.  It is more than feasible to work out daily, ideally I’d like to get to that point, even if it’s just a yoga class or a long walk.
4. Simple diet overhaul.
   1. Typically Saturdays are long work outs, so splurges are allowed on long work out days as more calories are burned than other days.  This can also be the time to use my “weekly splurge points” from WW.
   2. More vegetables, they fill you up
   3. Minimal drinking, mostly on splurge days and special occasions.
   4. Less eating out
      1. This can be accomplished by pre-cooking up meals and meat
      2. for easy use when I’m too tired or uninspired to cook.
      3. Saving eating out for splurge days

Realistically it’s not hard, but I know it will be challenging.  So here goes nothing.

 

 

Drama, Drama, Drama

Last week was a week FULL of drama.  My Oreo baby went into Renal Failure and was hospitalized from Wednesday to Saturday.  Thankfully he’s completely back to normal but we still don’t know what happened.  More drama erupted between Scott and French Fry.  Ending with French Fry not coming to his dad’s and Tater Tot not going to his mom’s.  For the time being that’s the way it’s going to be.  French Fry threatend Tater Tot over their trip in Colorado and terrified Tater Tot.  He’s afraid to be around him.  He didn’t tell the adults about it because they never believe him.  Then their Mom spouted some bullshit about French Fry needing Tater Tot to protect him from his dad…a 15 year old who’s over 6’4″ needs his 13 year old brother to “protect” him from his father…I’ll let you think about that for a moment.

Let’s try to knock some more of these out:

#30.  When did you last cry in front of another person?  By yourself?

Wednesday when the vet told us Oreo was going into kidney failure and needed to be hospitalized immediately.  Wednesday when I was home from the vet worrying about whether or not he’d live.

#31.  Tell the person you’re with something you already like about them.

You’re SUCH a good listener.  🙂

#32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Rape, sexual abuse, suicide

#33. If you die this evening without the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?  Why haven’t you told them yet?

I’d regret not telling my family to let go of whatever has caused them to become estranged from one another.  That life is way too short to be missing out on each other’s lives and relationships.  My brothers don’t talk.  My dad and stepmom don’t talk to my brother and his wife.  They’re all missing out on two adorable and amazing little boys and those little boys are growing up without a set of their grandparents and a weird but kick ass uncle.  Who else is going to teach them about the world of gaming and introduce them to the man bun.  Their missing out on fishing with my dad and baking with my stepmom.  All the hugs and the love.  It hurts my soul.  I haven’t said anything because it’s not quite my place.  I actually don’t completely know what happened between them and they’ve done their best to not put me in the middle which is appreciated.  Nonetheless it makes me sad.